When the song changes

The blessedness and craziness of life has kept me busy. Happily, a part of that blessedness and craziness is a special man who reminded me that a lack of romance can be sweet and it was just what I needed: company, friendship and lots and lots of laughter!

But um...it's changing between us, quite unexpectedly I might add. He held off long enough, I'll give him that much. For a while he seemed to understand that I didn't want anything more than the friendship we had. Now I find that on the nights when we would be out with friends, we're alone. He'd rather we went out to dinner alone than go with everyone else to see a movie. His tone has changed too. He's more cautious about the way he speaks to me. I can see he's working up a speech because he's the dramatic speech-giving kinda guy. He's making it as obvious as possible that he's not in the friend zone anymore and honestly...maybe I'm not either ;-)

Heart over...Eyesight?

As you know, I am a romantic. The ability to express love is therefore essential for any man who wants to be with me. You can’t just say, you have to be able to show. Actions speak...you know the rest. The ultimate test of compatibility for me though is that we agree in our religious beliefs; it’s the only way we can rationally sort our way through the difficulties we’re bound to face.

BUT! and this is a big BUT...I DOUBT! And that’s also a big DOUBT, that I can be with someone I do not find physically attractive. He may have all those qualities I want in a man but how I will know that if I’m not at first attracted enough to him to want to get to know him better...you get me? I’m not saying it will never happen but it’s unlikely.

You hear people say things like “Oh he/she wasn’t fine but had something special going on...some kinda swagger that made him/her hot” (I detest the word ‘swagger’ by the way, but how for do, it just happened to fit in here).

How hot could this attitude be? How does it make you forget that you would not normally be attracted to this person? Love must indeed be blind. So I pose the question: how important is beauty/handsomeness/attractiveness?

Going through the Motions

Have you ever been in a relationship where you're just going through the motions? It doesn't always start out that way; sometimes it does and then blossoms into something beautiful, but before then, you're plodding along.

You make and receive the calls, you go everywhere together and do everything together. Both your families approve of the relationship and you have so much in common. You're literally a match made in heaven but you think there's a little something missing. I guess I'm talking about the lack of chemistry.

It's not like I want to see sparks flying or anything but he might as well be my brother or a cousin!

The One

He is the man I want.

I may be having a love affair. I can’t call it love but I'm in a different state of mind. I feel brand new. I break into smiles at the oddest of times...when I least expect it, like when I’m dropping off to sleep and those random thoughts go running through my mind. My heart races when my phone rings and I’ve acquired a weird and wonderfully forgiving spirit. Knock me over the head with a bottle and I might pat you on the cheek and float serenely away oblivious to the trail of blood I leave behind.

I love the way he might hold my hand, the way he may touch me and the way he might hold me close. I enjoy the way he might cuddle me and the way he might whisper in my ear but I’m a little afraid he might break my heart. What the hell, I’m afraid I’ll break his heart! I’ve been burned before and I know how much it hurts. I’ve also done my share of the burning. I don’t want to do it again. It hurts more than being burned.

We share dreams and some of the same interests. I love the way he thinks. No doubt he has a piece of my heart. It may only be a tiny piece but I guard my heart because I know how fragile it is. If anything should happen it will be a giant leap of faith to say the least because I will have to use my imagination a lot. That’s not something I ever dreamed of doing if everything were the way it was supposed to be. Maybe it’s a sign. Things may never be the way they’re supposed to be. He might not be the one and yet...

The fact remains that he is the man I want.

I Could Almost

I could almost believe that this is the end of the road for me where love is concerned.
But I would be lying from the depths of my soul
I could almost say that you had no impact on my life or my heart. None whatsoever.
But what good would it do if the reverse is what's true?
I could almost deny every ounce of feeling I had towards you
But the emptiness within echoes the remains of what once was
I could almost decide never to love again, never to wear my heart on my sleeve, and never to be vulnerable
But then ...what would happen to the notions of forever that I still cling to?